On an Ordinary Day: The Tree of Life Loses a Leaf

I should take better care of myself.

This morning as I was walking home from dropping Oliver off at daycare, I saw a middle aged woman struggling to hold up her husband. She was calling out for help, but in a middle of a city so busy as Toronto no one was within earshot. Or maybe no one wanted to hear. The man was in distress, struggling to breath, unresponsive and turning purple.

I ran inside and told the receptionist that a man had collapsed outside. He called 911. Back outside, I lay my purse under the man's head and asked his wife for his name. His hair was shorn and he wore a hearing aid. Three people passed us by, before the doctors ran out and took over.

More and more doctors arrived with a cart of medical equipment that belongs in the OR. I could see the strap of my purse underneath him as they removed his clothes and began CPR. His face had taken on a queer cast. It must have been the shock of seeing someone in such a critical state - I began to cry. The poor woman.

They ushered me inside when the firefighters came. The wife was inside seated alongside two workers who were comforting her. I gave her a hug and sat with her for awhile. After the man had been taken to hospital, a kind hospital administrator asked for my statement. It felt strange that they would be worried for my sake, when I was clearly fine.

I have been feeling unsettled all morning. I tried to write but have been distracted. I'm looking for something. In such a state, it's unpleasant to face the ordinary walls, when I feel anything but usual. I gave the hospital my phone number but I don't expect to hear any further news. I became tangled in a stranger's life at such a significant moment only for my day to continue on as any other day. Her day is anything but. I wish her well.

Today and for the past year, my experiences with the Canadian health care system have tought me that doctors are human beings. The group of doctors who cared for the man were as shaken by the incident as I was. They also spoke of the mistakes that had been made. That's why it is so important to take responsibility for your health and have an advocate. As well-trained, as organized, and as intelligent as they may be, doctors are subject to the same limits as every other person.

As I said, I should take better care of myself.