When I first encountered the eastern European mindset around 10 years ago, I was astonished at how cohesive the group of Russian and Ukrainians were. It seemed as though they would do everything together - to put it in military terms - they wouldn't leave anyone behind. For me this was a bit of a shock, I have always had a streak of efficient laziness. In other words, I would want to get a task done as quickly as possible, which usually meant dividing and conquering. My Western version of social cooperation.
That was 10 years ago. Or maybe we just visit our in-laws too often. Or maybe I'm just too grouchy too often to want spend time with (something about staying in a two bedroom apartment for even one night with four other people makes me want to tear my hair out).
What once astonished me now sets me up for disappointment. When we go to visit, it's an effort to convince everyone that spending time all together would be a good idea. We did after all just spend money to drive all the way to London, Ontario (it's a two hour drive) with a three year old to visit. How outrageous is that? To feel as if your visit is welcomed, your effort is recognized, your presence valued?
The obligation to all agree to do something has faded - there are justifiable excuses not to do something all together. One person doesn't want to do this because it's only for kids. Another person wants to hide inside from the evil pollen out there. Another one doesn't want to drive so far. Yet another one doesn't want to spend the day cooped up inside, dealing with a bored, pouty spouse or eating till the grouchiness compounds into downright hostility (that's me).
There was an insurmountable impasse to spending time all together. Nobody wanted to make an effort to compromise - to bend. We, as much as the others, didn't bend to the others. In fact, going to Pinery Park was a defiance of unnecessary compromise - of bending to another's whims. If there were the hope that others might compromise, we might have felt less defiant. We also might not have spent the day at the beach and walking through the forest.
In the end everyone was happy not to have had to compromise - what is that saying - a good compromise leaves everyone a little dissatisfied.
That was 10 years ago. Or maybe we just visit our in-laws too often. Or maybe I'm just too grouchy too often to want spend time with (something about staying in a two bedroom apartment for even one night with four other people makes me want to tear my hair out).
What once astonished me now sets me up for disappointment. When we go to visit, it's an effort to convince everyone that spending time all together would be a good idea. We did after all just spend money to drive all the way to London, Ontario (it's a two hour drive) with a three year old to visit. How outrageous is that? To feel as if your visit is welcomed, your effort is recognized, your presence valued?
The obligation to all agree to do something has faded - there are justifiable excuses not to do something all together. One person doesn't want to do this because it's only for kids. Another person wants to hide inside from the evil pollen out there. Another one doesn't want to drive so far. Yet another one doesn't want to spend the day cooped up inside, dealing with a bored, pouty spouse or eating till the grouchiness compounds into downright hostility (that's me).
There was an insurmountable impasse to spending time all together. Nobody wanted to make an effort to compromise - to bend. We, as much as the others, didn't bend to the others. In fact, going to Pinery Park was a defiance of unnecessary compromise - of bending to another's whims. If there were the hope that others might compromise, we might have felt less defiant. We also might not have spent the day at the beach and walking through the forest.
In the end everyone was happy not to have had to compromise - what is that saying - a good compromise leaves everyone a little dissatisfied.
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